Wise Ideas

Tutoring Anonymous

Hello.  My name is MJ.  My child has reading difficulties.  She's been tutored for 274 days. Every day is a struggle, but she's getting better.

There's a reason I'm using the familiar introduction voiced by addicts seeking group therapy in all those "Anonymous" programs.  It has nothing to do with addiction -- but rather with the stigma surrounding tutoring.

Like millions of American parents, my husband and I are college graduates and voracious readers.  When we became parents, we read constantly to our children - not just because all the evidence shows that it stimulates young brains and gives kids a head start....but also because we love reading.

Tutoring was what you got when preparing for the SATs - not the ABCs.

Both our kids are extremely verbal, vivacious and active - socially and physically.   So it came as quite a shock when in first grade it became apparent that our oldest child just wasn't "getting" the reading thing.  To make a long story short - hours of tutoring and repeating first grade got our son caught up. 

I must admit that my son handled the whole thing better than I did, and in fact expressed relief that he was getting individualized help.   He didn't carry with him the stigma that tutoring and being "held back" had when I was growing up in the sixties - and which I obviously still harbor. 

He's now thriving as much as any pre-teen boy can allow himself in his first year of middle school.  Still, asking him to pick up a book for enjoyment is tantamount to asking him to pick up his room.

I'm not sure why it came as so much a shock to us in the past year that our younger daughter was displaying similar and in fact, even more severe reading difficulties as my son.  Because she's bright, clever, charming, excessively verbal, and apparently highly skilled at oral memorization - she was able to hide her problem from us and her teachers until the end of first grade, when I got the news that she was more than a grade level below standards.  

Again, my first reaction ("Not again!  How can this be?  We did everything RIGHT!") was colored by the stigma I believe tutoring still has among many of us baby boomers.  Although the National Center for Educational Statistics estimates that 38 percent of fourth graders nationally cannot read at a basic level, I never imagined my kids would be in THOSE statistics. 

Granted, tutoring has come a long way, thanks to a highly competitive educational environment, crowded classrooms, an emphasis in public schools on testing rather than learning and the mistaken belief by many millions of consumer/parents that Baby Einstein actually worked.  Still, tutoring is not something most parents brag about in the car pick-up line at school. 

But in my experience, tutoring is something that has rescued both my kids from a lifetime of struggling in the classroom.  And even though my daughter's progress seems to be painfully slow, I know that NOW is the time to invest in getting her confidence and her skills in line with her classmates. 

And because they are my kids and they LIVE to disagree with everything I say and think -- tutoring is now "cool."  Don't tell them, but I totally agree. 

Hello.  My name is MJ.  Both my children had or currently have reading difficulties.  Every day is a struggle, but it's getting better. 

Car Talk

I'm driving A BRAND NEW CAR!

Well, at least for three days.  It's a loaner while the increasingly beat-up and dirty family van is in the shop getting its annual maintenance check and its not-so-automatic-anymore sliding passenger door fixed.  I'm pretty sure that after new brake pads, oil clean and change, filter system and engine cleaning jobs and the as-yet unknown tweaks and fixes that are probably "recommended," I'll be at least $2,000 poorer -- but a lot safer.

But it's a lot cheaper than getting a new or used car.

And that's exactly what's putting America's car dealers out of business.  That - and the fact that the auto makers are on their deathbeds. 

America's auto dealers - everyone from giants like Cal Worthington's family of dealership groups to small town small frys like Paradise Motors in Moscow, Idaho - are watching businesses they've operated for decades wither and die.  But it hasn't happened in the blink of an eye....it's been going on for more than a year now, as this NYTimes blog from last November explains. 

As part of its pitch to stave off bankruptcy and get more bailout money, GM is planning to close 2,640 dealerships across the country.  As the Detroit Free Press reports today, by May 11th GM will start notifying dealerships nationwide of their "elimination," with the company expecting "attrition and consolidation to force additional closures."  

And while this is indicative of the over-expansive "eyes bigger than its stomach" approach to car sales that helped land GM in the predicament that it's in --- it also means that's Detroit's economic nightmare will now stretch into pockets of the country that never expected to be impacted by the self-imposed suicide of America's auto industry.  As the Wall Street Journal's John Stoll reports, GM and Chrysler's headaches are being passed down to thousands of already struggling dealers who are left holding the proverbial (air) bag.

Prior to GM's announcement about the massive dealership closures, the National Auto Dealer's Association expected about 900 dealerships to close this year.  And, as you can hear in this enlightening and sometimes depressing discussion on NPR's Talk of the Nation, this will vastly change the landscape not only of the car industry, but of small town America -- where the local car dealer USED to be the guy next door. 

And although you may be rooting for the come-uppance of those high falutin' auto executives -- it's hard not to feel bad for the family you grew up and went to high school with - and who run the local GM dealership - watch the business they've built up over 40 years come crashing down.  

Now the question becomes, as I hang up my cell phone and reel from my $4,000 car repair bill, what happens to all those dealership service centers we take our cars to be fixed.  It's enough to drive you crazy. 

Swine Season

Can you imagine being the receptionist in a doctor's office this week (unless of course, you ARE a receptionist in a doctor's office)?  If our pediatrician's office is any indication -- you'd better hope your child doesn't actually get really sick, develop a rash, or blow up from a bee sting this week - because getting through the jammed phone lines is impossible.

It's much easier getting through to Dr. Google....although sorting through the nearly one million results for the search term "swine flu symptoms" could be the death of you. 

What's making this swine flu outbreak even trickier for health care professionals is that flu season - of the non-swine variety - is still in its last throws.  According to the CDC's website, "the symptoms of swine flu in people are expected to be similar to the symptoms of regular human seasonal influenza and include fever, lethargy, lack of appetite and coughing. Some people with swine flu also have reported runny nose, sore throat, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea."

Which begs the question -- what's the difference between the two?!  Thus, the jammed phone lines at every doctor's office across the country.  Front-line health care professionals, many of whom admit they were just as surprised by this outbreak and the speed of its transmission as you and I, are overwhelmed.  And questions are mounting while cases are doubling. 

Although I am not panicked (despite the fact that our family traveled to San Diego for spring break and spent some quality time at public places like the Zoo and SeaWorld)  - I am comforted by the fact that "it was a routine call last Thursday from a diligent high school nurse that put health detectives in New York City on the trail of a swine flu outbreak," as the NYTimes reports.

Unfortunately, public school nurses went the way of public school P.E. teachers here in California long ago.

So if my child has a runny nose, vomitting, and diarrhea -- should I be calling her doctor?  "That's a very good question," Dr. Kathleen Neuzil, chair of the Influenza Working Group of the Centers for Disease Control Committee on Immunizations Practices, kept telling every caller on NPR's Talk of Nation yesterday. 

A good question, with no answer.  Just like what happens when you call your doctor's office.  Because what's even more scary than an actual flu pandemic, is finding out whether or not we're prepared for one.

What Can't You Do Without?

It's 5:30am Monday morning, and I just finished unloading a packed dishwasher, and am getting ready to put some laundry in.  Ahhh....the start of a new day.

Life - at least for me - would be a lot more complicated without those two appliances, which I would venture to guess most American families consider a necessity.  But according to a new study by the Pew Center, American attitudes about luxuries versus necessities are changing as more and more people cut back on spending.

Pew's new national survey asked Americans what they could do without, and found that "No longer do substantial majorities of the public say a microwave oven, a television set or even home air conditioning is a necessity. Instead, nearly half or more now see each of these items as a luxury. Similarly, the proportion that considers a dishwasher or a clothes dryer to be essential has dropped sharply since 2006."

Pew researchers say these results are striking, because for the previous decade, "the public's luxury-versus-necessity perceptual boundaries" have been moving in the exact opposite direction, when we considered nearly everything a necessity...which explains why sales of so-called "luxury goods" was out of this world. 

But while people surveyed actually said they could do without a clothes dryer (are they INSANE, or just childless?) -- the number of people who said they could NOT live without a cell phone and Internet service shot up significantly.  Pew researchers say that this perhaps signals "that consumer reaction to the recession is being driven by specific personal economic hardships as well as by a more pervasive new creed of thrift that has taken hold both among those who've been personally affected and those who haven't."

You can read more about the survey in USA Today, on CBSNews.com, or in the Wall Street Journal or this NYTimes blog, proving that your Wifi-enabled laptop is a necessity -- and your newspaper either a luxury - or a relic.

Friday Short Takes

The hot teen trend is spending less at the mall.  The Obama Administration is stepping in to save us from evil credit card companies.  Unemployed high-powered dads are taking over PTAs in suburban New York.  And who among us HASN'T wanted to just kick the kids out of the car and drive off?

These are just some of the stories I got to read all the way through this week, as I spent some quality time in medical waiting offices.    So I thought I'd save you the time, link you to these gems, and provide a bit of pithy commentary because I don't Twitter and they haven't come up with a way to actually show people's thought bubbles, although isn't that basically what Twitter is -- the thought bubbles of the technologically-enabled?.

First - you can take the cash away from the teen, but you still can't take them out of the mall. The NYTimes reports that "spending by teenagers, a closely studied but rarely understood segment of the population, is off by 14 percent." This is having a "profound impact on mall culture," where teens are lining up at once-shunned deep discounters in search of the deal.

The Village Voice found the news heartening, because gay porn retailer - er, I mean Abecrombie & Fitch -  has lost its appeal among teens who no longer think it's cool to pay $30 for a T-shirt.  However, The Voice found fault with the Times' premise that teenagers are no longer brand-driven. "Kids might have less money now because their parents lost a bundle in the market, but they will always spend on trendy shit and never care about anyone but themselves," writes the Voice's Karen Benedikt. 

Second - Washington is finally taking on the credit card industry, which thinks that it's been transparent with consumers about its shady-and-bordering-on-illegal business practices just because it sends out "Changes to Your Credit Agreement" letters on a daily basis, which, if you look really close at the extra fine print, it's just the unabridged text of Moby Dick.

The President met yesterday with executives from major credit card companies to discuss their industry's roll in this recession, and what can be done to keep America from being crushed by its self-made mountain of credit debt.   The words "increased accountability" and "Credit Cardholders' Bill of Rights" were bandied about.  Strangely, no one is proposing the solution provided by a simple pair of scissors.

Third - The Times reported this week on the recent influx of unemployed "Mr. Moms" into the world of the suburban mom, as evidenced by the testosterone increase in the pick-up, drop-off, and check-out lines, and at local PTAs meetings.  “I hope all these good guys who need good jobs find them,” Gina Fidele, a New Jersey PTA president tells The Times.  “But I also hope that maybe this taste of what it’s like to be more involved — not just taking the kids to school, but really helping to organize and direct the policies in the community."  Let's hope they constructively help all these mother-heavy PTA boards find solutions to real world problems....and not take-over for a few months only to be abandoned again when they find new jobs.

And finally - the now famous "Don't Make Me Stop This Car" case, which in some circles is being called the "Monster Mommy" case -- while in others it's the "I Can't Wait To Tell My Own Bickering Kids About This Story Because There's Got To Be A Lesson In There Somewhere" incident

Personally, I hope the Scarsdale lawyer/mom isn't prosecuted for her parenting tactic, which has provided us all food for thought as we swerve through traffic trying to break up the bickerfest in the back.  And while ditching the kids on a street in White Plains may not have been the smartest of moves - at least she had plenty of quiet time in jail overnight to think about it.

It's a hecka way to get away for a much-needed night alone, donchathink?

Have a good weekend.

Doctor's Orders?

You'll pardon me, but I'm going to veer off the marketing/media/advertising trail today because to be honest, I'm a little stunned after a visit to my doctor yesterday.

Everything's fine - which I suppose should actually be the headline. 

But as we were discussing my newly reached milestone (turning 50), the normal, female-related issues that come with age, and the five stress-related pounds I've gained in the past three months --she pinched my newly sprouted love handles and calmly said "you should consider liposuction."

WHOA!  You turn 50, gain a little weight that still puts you in the lower range of BMI for your age, height and weight --- and a primary care physician with YEARS of experience suggests liposuction?  Was she serious?  "I had a little done," she said smiling -- and then moved onto taking my blood pressure.  And that was the end of that.

The liposuction-bomb has had me reeling ever since.

When I got home, I immediately consulted Dr. Google and started my educational process on fat-sucking.  Within a half hour I had learned that there's a new, quicker, less painful and less invasive form of liposuction called SmartLipo or LaserLipo - which also reduces a patient's recovery time.  

I started reading testimonials by doctors and other plastic surgery "experts" on sites I'd never heard of before, like this one on MakeMeHeal.com:  "one of the disadvantages of (traditional liposuction) is its tendency to leave behind unattractive, loose skin. This is where Smartlipo, an innovative laser-assisted device, enters the playing field. It is also one of the reasons it is rapidly becoming the gold standard for the removal of unwanted body fat."

""Smartlipo works well as a standalone body contouring option, but it is also very effective when combined with traditional liposuction, a tummy tuck, or other cosmetic procedures," a Los Angeles plastic surgeon says in this PR release issued by his practice.  

And - if you can stomach it (pardon the pun) - you can read a "review" on RealSelf.com from a San Francisco woman who walks readers through her entire SmartLipo procedure including her recovery:  "I don't have much bruises on front and back, just 2 spots like quarter sizes. and they are mostly gone."  She posts "before and after" pictures to back her claims.

(FYI, since RealSelf is a review site, "76% say Smart Lipo was worth it.  24% say Smart Lipo was not worth it.")

According to this press release from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, over 10.2 million cosmetic surgical and nonsurgical procedures were performed in the United States in 2008. The most popular nonsurgical procedure was (not surprisingly) Botox injections.  But in the surgical category, there was a surprise.  For the first time since the ASAPS began keeping statistics, liposuction slipped to the second most popular cosmetic surgery - behind breast augmentations.

Liposuction has an excellent chance to regain it's Number One ranking however, as word spreads about SmartLipo, which is exactly what my doctor was doing today when she dropped the Lipo-bomb.  Not coincidentally, the offices next to hers are those of some high-end plastic surgeons.

Come to think of it, I guess I'm not as stunned by the suggestion as I thought, because as you can tell, I DID end up talking about marketing and advertising today. 

Halting the Gravy Train

The gravy train may be nearing its final stop for a niche group of opportunistic mommy bloggers.

In what could be a ruling with wide ranging implications in the Internet world, the Federal Trade Commission is considering cracking down on bloggers and chatty people on social media sites like Facebook, who endorse or review products and/or services -- and get something in return from the people who offer those products or services.

"Consumer endorsements and testimonials have always been viewed as extremely effective types of marketing," FTC spokesperson Richard Cleland tells ABCNews.com.  "But the concern is about those instances when 'testimonials' area delivered and it's not made obvious that it's an advertisement for a company."  

As AdAge reports, "This could present a significant issue for marketers, including the likes of Microsoft, Ford and Pepsi, who spend billions on word-of-mouth and social media."

It also presents a significant issue for bloggers who happen to be moms, and who blog about all-things-mom including things moms buy.   Because as we all know, moms read a lot of blogs (85-percent of American moms say they read blogs), and moms are the most powerful consumer group on the planet.  And as The Wall Stree Journal's blog "The Juggle" points out, word-of-mouth is a very powerful tool among the mom community, with 80-percent of moms say they buy products at the recommendation of other moms.

Take for instance the case of "The Eleven," which I wrote about back in November.  "The Eleven were chosen and assembled by Wal-Mart stores, which paid for 11 Mommy bloggers to travel to the store's Bentonville, Arkansas headquarters in order to participate in a "Salon Secret" panel," which turned out to be Pantene hair products.   

And of course, those Mommies then went home and blogged about their adventure and began spreading the good word about Pantene and Wal-Mart to their countless readers - thus creating a viral buzz worth millions to P & G and Wal-Mart.  And although one member of The Eleven, Katja Presnal - who runs the Skimbaco.com online retail site and SkimbacoLifestyle blog - told AdAge at the time that she wasn't paid with money for her positive posts, one can't deny that these particular mommies are benefiting from their blogging - as indicative by the limited of offer of "free P&G sample products" offered on Prenals's blog.

In this new world order where bloggers could be held liable for products reviews, the FTC says a blogger who crosses the line from innocent product mentions to outright endorsements-for-profit could face a cease-and-desist order, or even be forced to reimburse readers who claim to have bought a product under false circumstances.  

Blogs held accountable?!  This will either

A)  result in a sudden rush by advertisers to find mommy bloggers to officially sponsor - and visa versa,

B)  open the food gates to federal regulation of all blogs (watch out all you Politicos!),

C)  force a whole lot of mommy bloggers to send personal checks to all sorts of people they never heard of who claim they were mis-led by a post on the Elmo Color Change Bath Tub Fun Toy, OR

D)  all of the above

Could this be the beginning of ethics in blogging?  Can the Internet, the Wild West of the 21st Century, actually be regulated? 

I'm not studied enough in this issue to venture a guess or an opinion on that.  But what I can tell you....is that Gatorade 12-ounce bottles which come in a handy six-pack, can keep your kids hydrated, healthy and happy all at the same time.

(did you get that - FTC?)

Blame the Messengers

Just when you think Americans had grown media and marketing savvy, this happens.

By this, I mean a new Harris Interactive Poll in which a surprising percentage of consumers blame the media and in particular, the advertising industry, for the recession.  According to the poll, "Two-thirds of Americans (66%) believe advertising agencies have at least some responsibility for the current economic crisis because they caused people to buy things they couldn’t afford.  In fact, one-third (33%) believe they have complete or a great deal of responsibility."  Blame for the economic crisis was also laid at the doorsteps of newspapers and news channels.

The absurdity of this kind of "blame of messenger" reaction is encapsulated in this AdAge article today, which points out that "the findings come despite the obvious irony that advertising and media have been deeply affected by the economy, with massive layoffs at ad agencies and the folding of dozens of newspapers."

The poll must come as particularly disturbing news to the Obama Administration, which has worked hard to put the President "out there" to explain the root causes of the crisis to the public, promote his solutions, and encourage everyone to accept their role in the disaster and make changes in their lives that will help in getting the country back on the right track. 

I guess that despite our growth as a consumer nation, we still haven't matured enough to take responsibility for our own actions.  Just like little kids, it's easier to blame someone else rather than take the rap yourself.

420 Day

You might want to look more closely into the eyes of your teenager today.  The redness and sensitivity to light may be more than just spring allergies.

I learned over the weekend from a teen-in-the-know that today is 420 ("four-twenty" in teen parlance), the day teens across the country show up at school stoned.   Not all teens, mind you.  Just the ones who probably get stoned in the morning in the first place.  Still, the parents I was with when we learned of this "tradition," (and who incidentally did their fair share of stupid things in high school,) were pretty surprised that :  A)  there was such a thing as 420 Day, and B)  that none of us had heard about it before.

My curiousity peaked, I googled "420" and instantly came up with this Huffington Post piece saying that 420 actually takes pot smoking beyond high school kids, and puts it right into the mainstream - or at least the mainstream that still uses rolling papers, pipes and bongs.   April 20 is "National Pot Smoking Day," according to the HuffPost.  "A day where people across the world celebrate in the conspicuous consumption of the magical herb, marijuana. It's an unofficial counterculture holiday that is based on the simple concept of smoking some cannabis and being happy."

My teen informant, however, did not have a clue why 420 - and not 615 or more likely 711 -- a brightly lite place where many a stoner has snuffed their munchies with packages of Hostess SnoBalls and Funyons, washed down with a ginormous Slurpee. 

However, leave it to the SFChronicle to trace the legend to a group of stoners at San Rafael High School.  According to High Times editor Steven Hager, back in 1971 there was "a group of about a dozen pot-smoking wiseacres who called themselves the Waldos. The term 420 was shorthand for the time of day the group would meet, at the campus statue of Louis Pasteur, to smoke pot.  The term took root, and flourished, and spread beyond San Rafael with the assistance of the Grateful Dead and their dedicated cohort of pot-smoking fans."

Fast forward 38 years, and an estimated 40-percent of Americans have smoked pot according to The National Institute on Drug Abuse, including our current President as well as his two predecessors.  Medical marijuana can currently be prescribed to ease the pain and symptoms of many tortuous ailments.  And there's actually serious talk in political circles about limited legalization or limiting prosecution.  In fact, today's headline in the NYTimes says that "For Marijuana Advocates, Not-So-Secret Holiday Hints at Change."

But although I'm perfectly willing to give 23-year old Michael Phelps the benefit of the doubt after getting caught on a camera phone toking up at a college frat party during his off-season, and wouldn't hesitate to to ask for a pot prescription were I in pain from cancer treatments --- I'm not nearly so cool when it comes high school kids showing up at school stoned - on April 20th or any other day. 

It's the great parenting paradox of the baby boomer and beyond generations -- do as I say and not as I did, or in some cases, still do.

Why do you think they call it dope?  Remember?

True Moms or Media Moms

Today in New York, NBC Universal is trotting out it's all-star (emphasis on the "star") panel of women for the first time, to help pitch its Oxygen and Bravo cable channels, as well as other NBCU properties, to potential advertisers.

The estrogen-rich panel includes NBC personalities Meredith Vieira of "Today" and CNBC's Maria Bartiromo, as well as marketers like Lisa Caputo, Citigroup's exec VP-global marketing and corporate affairs; and agency executives such as Starcom Entertainment's Laura Carracioli-Davis. As you can read in this AdAge article, NBCU is using its powerful panel to not only show how in-touch they are with "real" women, but also to promote its cross-platform approach to ad sales.

I first mentioned this panel in a post back in January called "Celebrity Women vs Real Moms: Who Do You Believe?"   I reported that the panel, which was created by a woman, "will be offering marketing and general business advice to NBC Universal and its clients on how to reach women."  Coincidentally that same week on AdAge.com, the founders of marketing research agency (and my blog host) MomWise advised that frank, informative and realistic discussions with focus groups and panels of AVERAGE women can help crack the powerful spending power of moms,and reveal "how businesses can tailor their products and marketing campaigns to address this valuable demographic's needs during this hideous recession."

The key words here are "average" and "real," adjectives that don't come to mind when talking about the host of the number one morning show on TV, and the woman known in financial circles as CNBC's "Money Honey."   It's not a stretch to assume these women, who are very talented and good at what they do, have not been losing sleep over paying the mortgage, worrying about how they're going to  take the kids to simultaneous events on opposite sides of town, or declare it "Cereal Night" because they didn't have the supplies, time or energy to get dinner on the table.   

My husband has a name for this kind of celebrity parenting:  "Hide The Nanny."

And Meredith, of all women and mothers, should know better.  Just yesterday, she interviewed the author and creator of True Mom Confessions -- in which real women disclose their deepest thoughts and feelings about the joys and pitfalls of parenting on tape, in a new book and on this website - often anonymously. 

Their revelations veer from sad to hilarious, pathetic to pithy.  And we've all been there.  Meredith's probably even been there  - although she's got a highly lucrative escape valve as well as a highly-paid support system that most of us can only dream of.

I'd venture to even guess that Meredith, who is on this panel at the behest of her bosses, knows that a 48-year old mother of three from Oregon, Minnesota or New Jersey should be the person sitting in her chair in New York today -- giving ad and marketing executives an honest version of "what women really want." 

But that would make too much sense.  It is TV afterall.