The Kitchen Think

The Real World

I was lounging by a mountain lake last week with two friends, our ten kids, and at least 50 other vacationing families when I was jolted back into reality by the news that the world is still a scary place to live.  Not that it was ever really safe.  Throughout our planet's entire history, someone it seems, has always been out to get someone else - usually someone different from themselves.

It's just that this time, it's Americans and our buddies, the Brits, and any other allies, who are the targets.

But on that sunny, lazy afternoon by the lake, when I heard that a plot to blow up at least 10 US-bound passenger jets had been thwarted, I felt isolated from the danger.

Granted, chances are slim to none that any terrorist is going to strike a rustic resort town in California's Gold Country.  But when 9/11 happened and I was in my house in the city's Sunset District, I felt so violated and vulnerable that I hesitated taking my then 4-year old son to preschool that day. 

And that got me to thinking.  Is it that I actually felt insulated from danger because I perceived myself and my kids to be safe in a rural area?  Or was it because in the five years since 9/11 I've come to accept the fact that this is the world we live in, and I've unconsciously chosen NOT to live my life, or raise my family, in a constant state of anxiety?

Although I'm sure being on vacation played a role in my reaction, I think the latter explanation is closer to the truth.  An article in the Chicago Tribune last week explored this theory, and found that although Americans were unsettled by the news, they were far from shocked. "There's always the idea it could happen again," Tom Goodman, a PR executive is quoted as saying.  "This is the world we live in and it's going to be like this for a long, long time."

In this week's issue of Newsweek, columnist Anna Quinlan broaches this same subject (although her take is New York-centric), and comes to the conclusion that "the great shock to the American system is realizing that no fortress is inviolate, no wall tall enough and no place really safe." 

Terrorism and how safe Americans feel, is going to be Topic Number One for the next few weeks, as the MSM (mainstream media) pounds us with September 11th anniversary coverage.  And somewhere in all that rabble, there will be some interesting information.  Look for the annual survey to be released soon (here's 2005's) on "Where the American Public Stands on Terrorism and Preparedness" from the National Center for Disaster Preparedness.

Like last year's survey, it will likely tell us that we have declining faith that the government will protect us from disaster - natural or man-made. And that despite the increased calls for us to prepare by making our own family emergency plans and familiarizing ourselves with our community emergency plans, fewer than a quarter of us have done so. 

These statistics may be a little less alarming here in earthquake country, where preparedness is part of life.  For those of us living on the fault line(s) in the Bay Area, unexpected disaster could potentially strike at any moment (read my take on quake anxiety in "Waiting for Disaster" on iTalkNews). But I really don't know anyone who worries about it on a daily basis. 

Maybe Americans are starting to adopt the same attitude about terrorism. Is that a sad statement about the world we live in today?  Maybe.  But it's a fact of life. 

"No one can run when it finally comes down.
Nobody knows what is stirrin’ underground
Livin' on the fault line."

Problem Solved? Or Problem Created?

My kids come to me far to quickly to help solve their problems.  Because they are 5 and 9, their problems aren't too terribly bad.  They run the gamut from "I pushed the wrong button on the SpongeBob Typing computer game and now I can't move," to "I can't get Barbie's gown on!" 

For the most part, the solutions to my kids problems are simple.  And for the most part, they could have solved their own problems by taking a little time to explore different solutions.  Instead, they come running to me (or more likely - hollering for me) to help them.

Until a month ago, I didn't think this was much of an issue.  I thought it was just a remnant of SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) syndrome.  That is, why solve something yourself when it's quicker and easier to have mom do it. 
I'm usually happy to help and in fact, as a SAHM mom, felt it was "part of the job." 

But a woman named Madeline Levine has significantly changed my view regarding my parenting style.  In a June SF Chronicle Sunday Magazine feature called "What Price, Privilege?" Levine posits that overparenting has created a generation of kids with an impaired sense of self. 

Levine is a Marin County child psychologist, who, over the past several years, has seen dozens of teen patients who come from good homes with caring parents.  They get good, even great grades, and are usually considered high achievers.  But, as Levine writes, "in spite of parental concern and economic advantage, many of my adolescent patients suffer from readily apparent emotional disorders: addictions, anxiety disorders, depression, eating disorders and assorted self-destructive behaviors."

"They complain bitterly of being too pressured, misunderstood, anxious, angry, sad and empty," Levine writes.  "While at first they may not appear to meet strict criteria for a clinical diagnosis, they are certainly unhappy...they lack the enthusiasm typically seen in young people."

Levine then had what she calls her "AHAAA" moment.  An epiphany of sorts, to discovering the root cause of these kids' problems.  In a word, overparenting.

"Many of my patients have teachers, coaches and, most of all, parents who have actively poured enormous amounts of attention and resources into these children. Paradoxically, the more they pour, the less full many of my  patients seem to be," Levine claims. 

"Parents who persistently fall on the side of intervening for their child, as opposed to supporting their child's attempts to problem solve, interfere with the most important task of childhood and adolescence: the development of a sense of self," Levine continues.  "Autonomy, what we commonly call independence, along with competence and interpersonal relationships, are considered to be inborn human needs. Their development is central to psychological health. In a supportive and respectful family, children go about the business of forging a "sense of self" by being exposed to, and learning to manage, increasingly complex personal and interpersonal challenges."

Reading this, I had my own AHAAA moment.  For every computer problem I solved, every Barbie I dressed, every sibling dispute I stepped into...I was hurting my kids - not helping them.  I wasn't allowing them to solve their own problems...preventing them from developing that much needed autonomy Levine was talking about.

I'm far from the only parent to have been impacted by Levine's theory.  Her new book, "The Price of Privilege," is a best seller in the Bay Area, and it's the talk of the playgrounds and the pools this summer.  I've had numerous discussions with friends over our parenting styles.  "If we butt out now, is it still too late?" we ask one another.  Levine says no. 

But I've found it's not easy to go from "problem solver" to "problem observer."  The kids are frustrated they aren't getting as much help from me, and "it's for your own good" just doesn't fly with a 5 year old (the 9 year old actually, somewhat "gets" it).

Still, I worry.  I have always jokingly said I should be saving for college and therapy, but in NO WAY do I wish a life of sadness, anxiety and unhappiness for my children. 

You can read more about Levine in today's WaPost article called "Sick of Expectations."  The WaPost is also having a live, online chat with Levine at 9am PST this morning.  If you miss it, you can read the text at this link.

And I forget just what it takes
And yet I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it's hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind.
Hello...
With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mullato, an albino
A mosquito, my libido
A denial."

Summer Bummer

It was a rare, fogless Sunday afternoon in The City.  The kids were playing (without fighting) in the backyard, and I had actually put my feet up to read the Sunday papers out on our deck.  Idyllic, to say the least.  But I was jolted out of my summer revere by something I read in the Sunday Times.  Frank Rich, the paper's unabashedly liberal Sunday columnist, was quoting Fox News rightie Bill O'Reilly, and actually agreeing with him!

In a piece titled The Peculiar Disappearance of the War in Iraq,  (which you may not be able to link to if you are not a Times Select member), Rich talks about why it is that media coverage of the war in Iraq has dwindled (you can read more about this today on Editor and Publisher).   "The steady falloff in Iraq coverage isn’t happenstance. It’s a barometer of the scope of the tragedy," Rich writes.  Then he quotes his arch-nemesis, O'Reilly:  “It is depressing to pay attention to this war on terror,” said Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly on July 18. “I mean, it’s summertime."

Rich continues:  "Americans don’t like to lose, whatever the season. They know defeat when they see it, no matter how many new plans for victory are trotted out to obscure that reality."

Sadly enough, Rich and O'Reilly are right.  Despite the death toll, which has risen to more than 100 a day according to the U.N., I had put Iraq out of my mind.   And after the first week of fighting between Israel and Lebanon, I had managed to compartmentalize that conflict as well. 

Even I, a die-hard newsie who times the day so that I'm home with the kids by 5:30 to start dinner and watch the evening news, had been letting the schedule slip into longer days at the pool or the playground - missing the news entirely.  My mental vacation lasted about a week.  I didn't even bother to blog, that's how languorously lazy I was. 

But the O'Reilly comment - followed by news last evening of the carnage in Qana, Lebanon, (click on "Outrage over Deadly Israeli Strike" on the ABC News International page) - has broken my summer bliss.  I'm listening to NPR again, and back to pouring through the daily papers.  And my blogging has resumed. 

The real dog days of summer (August) still lie ahead.  Planned are daily swim lessons, punctuated by impromptu picnics in the park and mini-road trips.  I'm also taking the kids off for a week in the Sierra with two other moms and 10 other kids.  Then, we're off to the east coast to visit family. 

But the O'Reilly quote haunts me.  It is depressing to pay attention to the world's ills...and there are so many of them.  But is it wrong to enjoy this great American life? 

"American life (American life)
I live the American dream (American dream)
You are the best thing I’ve seen
You are not just a dream (American life)...

I'm not Christian and I'm not a Jew
I'm just living out the American dream
And I just realised that nothing
Is what it seems."
 

What Women Want?

I was was watching the NBC Nightly News the other night  while making dinner and bathing my daughter (don't ask), when I heard a tease which really caught my attention.  "Coming up, what women really want after finishing their second shift."

After getting over my initial dismay over the general acceptance that women even have second shifts and (most) men don't -- I then sarcastically said out loud, "If NBC had the answer to that question, it would have been the lede story!"  (wisely, they lead with the India bomb blasts and the Iraq mess)

The What Women Want story, reported by correspondent Dawn Fratangelo, profiled a working Chicago-area mother of three who was struggling to find the balance between home and work.  The story was centered around a recent survey by the website CareerBuilder.com, which found that "one-in-four working moms...are dissatisfied with their work/life balance and are actively seeking jobs that will provide them with more flexibility." 

Does it really take a "scientific" survey to tell us that what women really want is more time, whether it be with their family, their spouse, or even (heaven forbid) by themselves?   Couldn't you just ask the working mom seated in the next cubicle how she feels?  Or ask your wife.  Who are these surveys preaching to - the choir?  Or the people who watch the choir go through its juggling act every day?

The other thing that caught my eye was reporter Fratangelo's take on the story, which can be found on the network's Daily Nightly blog.  After telling us about friends she has who are struggling to juggle, Ms. Fratangelo has the audacity to write, "You want to know what women want?  Tune in."

Appealing to harried working women by claiming to have the answer to this age-old question is big business.  On book tour now is the CEO and president of Working Mother's Magazine", Carol Evans, whose new book has the boastful title "This Is How We Do It:  The Working Mothers' Manifesto."

The book tells the stories of women who claim to have achieved that mystical balance between work and family.  Now I don't doubt that there are a number of such women.  But the myth these claims propagate is that one can do it all, without making any major sacrifices.  And I don't just mean taking lower pay for more flexibility.  That's almost a given. 

I mean sacrifices your family might be making as well...sacrifices which might work for YOU, but which the rest of the family may not be really "down" with.  If balance is about more family time - is your family really balanced when one member is "doing it all" while the others are just plain old "doing it?"

I think women who "have it all" have done the one thing the majority of working mothers have not done:   --- accept their choices.   They haven't really discovered the secret to balancing work and family.  They're just able to live happily with the choices they have made. 

My advice to end your struggle?  Embrace your choices.  If you don't like the choices you made - change them.  You and I are lucky to have such choices.  Most women in the world don't.   

"Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks
It's my life 
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive"  

A 'net Junkie Comes Clean

It took losing our DSL connection for two days last week, for me to realize just how hooked I am on  being connected.  And what I've been wondering ever since is - have I become TOO addicted to connectivity? 

The biggest issue for me was the loss of email access.  Although I can read my email via my cell phone, the process is extremely slow and extremely costly, so it's only an option in an emergency.  When the line when out, I had about a dozen "conversations" going on with various friends, business associates and the like, which were abruptly halted. These conversations were left in limbo without resolution.  I had to actually use that ancient communication tool, the phone, to finish my business, which ate up about two hours I didn't really have to spare. 

Because I blog for a (partpart-time) living, I could no longer do my job either - at least from my place of business, which happens to be my home.  I rushed the kids off to the library with me, so I could hop on-line for a 15-minute (TIMED) session to check my email and put a "technical difficulties - please stand by" notice on The Kitchen Think. 

Once we returned to our Internet-free home, I thought "wow, I can really get some things done today without having to answer email or do any work."  But in those first few hours of webless living, I caught myself heading for my laptop to:
1)confirm day camp registrations and start times for the upcoming week
2)find a recipe
3) make airline reservations
4) check my frequent flyer mileage availability
5)make camping reservations
6)find out the current weather in Marin
7) find out if the Marin Farmer's Market was open that day
8) read news from various blogs and sites
9) conduct research on various things like action figures for my son's upcoming birthday party and where it might be legal in the city to roast marshmallows
10) do things I can't even remember now but the list goes on and on

Without DSL, I was forced to give up all my time-saving multi-tasking habits and live life by doing one thing at a time.  Instead of conducting multiple on-line conversations and research while cleaning and doing the laundry, I had to focus solely on scrubbing the shower scum while doing the laundry (OK, that's 2 things...moms are, by their very nature, multi-taskers).

Frantic I couldn't get more accomplished, I chose another option:  take the kids north to the sun to play.  It was undeniably the best option of all...but choosing it left me tinged with guilt over all the loose ends I was leaving behind.

There's a name for this particular state of being: Continuous Partial Attention.  The phrase was coined by former Microsoft executive Linda Stone, who travels around the country now, speaking at technology conferences about CPA (the above link is a speech she gave a month ago at the Collaborative Technologies Conference). 

Stone's theory hit the mainstream last week, when brilliant NYTimes columnist Thomas Friedman wrote a piece called "The Age of Interruption  (read it here if you can't access Times Select). Friedman called CPA the "malady of modernity." "All we do now is interrupt each other or ourselves with instant messages, e-mail, spam or cellphone rings. One wonders whether the Age of Interruption will lead to a decline in civilization — as ideas and attention spans shrink and we all get diagnosed with some version of Attention Deficit Disorder," Friedman writes.

This is not a disease that just affects wired junkies, journalists and techies.  It's spreading rapidly through the population.  The latest study from the Pew Internet research group found that nearly three-quarters of all Americans are on-line, using the Internet in a variety of ways,  from emailing to shopping to banking to.....well....all the stuff I was doing when I lost our DSL connection.

That's when I had my "eureka" moment:  when I complain about my kids not paying attention when I talk or not focusing on their homework it's not just because they are kids -- they are learning the behavior from ME!  Example:  At this very moment, my husband is talking to me about his work and the kids are blabbing to me about something and I'm paying only partial attention because I'm writing my blog and feeding everyone breakfast.  Admittedly - wives have, since time began, only paid partial attention to their husbands.  But that's no excuse.  Our entire household suffers from Continuous Partial Attention.

Not only is this turning us all into bad listeners, it's affecting our social lives as well according to another new study.  Researchers at Duke and the University of Arizona  found that the so-called circle of friends Americans have, has shrunk dramatically in the past 20 years.  According to the study, "changes in communities and families, such as the increase in the number of hours that family members spend at work and the influence of Internet communication, may contribute to the decrease in the size of close-knit circles of friends and relatives." 

This is not new news.  Author Robert Putnam warned us about these societal changes back in 2000, in his book so aptly titled "Bowling Alone."  But just reading about it isn't enough.  It takes intervention - like the kind AT&T unknowingly forced on me last week.  From now on, I'm going to turn my laptop OFF when my kids and my spouse want my attention.  And maybe, just maybe, I'll get the attention I expect, deserve and want when I'm talking.  Sure, I'll have lapses....most junkies do. But I can do it.

And I challenge you to do the same.  Just don't email me about it - I won't have time to respond. 

"I've seen the needle and the damage done
A little part of it in everyone
But every junkie's
like a settin' sun."

YouTube Goes BigTime

It had to happen.  My favorite internet time drain, YouTube.com, the spot on the web where I can waste more time than I actually have, erupted into the mainstream yesterday with a multi-million dollar deal with NBC (look under Nightly News Videos and click on "YouTube, don't you").  Once  legal enemies over a pirated clip from Saturday Night Live, the braintrust at NBC wisely decided that if you can't beat the video sharing phenomenon, join it.  Or at least use it.

YouTube officially launched late last year, which is when I first read about it in the The New York Times, (this article is only accessible to "Times Select" members...which is a whole other media story).  In just months and with no "traditional" marketing, only viral, it has jumped ahead of all its competitors, including the video sharing/search service offered by 700-pound gorilla Google.

Just like any classic Silicon Valley success story, YouTube was launched in a San Mateo County garage by a couple of 20-somethings, Chad Hurley and Steve Chen. YouTube's call to "Broadcast Yourself" caught on like wildfire and now you can view millions of mini-movies uploaded from people all over the world, tho primarily it's us wacky, exhibitionist Americans who use the site most.

Now I confess, I have a weakness for watching music videos and old live performances like - say - the incomparable Tina Turner doing "Proud Mary."  It's one of my 5-year old daughter's favorite songs and I wanted to show her the face (and legs!) behind the voice.  My first-ever YouTube search, using the term "Proud Mary" came up with dozens of old (1971 with Ike) and new (2005 on Oprah) videos of Tina singing her heart out, as well as dozens of other videos from amateur singers, dancers and lip-syncers honoring Tina in their own, odd, ways. YouTube is now bookmarked on all our home computers.  (My 8-year old son can't get enough of an old Deep Purple performance of "Smoke on the Water")

According to company officials, this blend of pirated and personal videos brings 13 million unique (new) visitors to YouTube every month,  50,000 new video are posted every day, and more than 30 million videos are streamed daily from the site.  Now you know why it's such an addiction!

The YouTube/NBC story I believe, is just the tip of the internet iceberg.  Dinosaur-like old media companies are just now coming around to the fact that they are no longer in the drivers seat when it comes to mass media.  In fact, it is the masses who are are literally in control.  And those who don't make peace and jump on the bandwagon, will be left behind. Way behind. 

I forgot what fun it was being at the wheel for the first time!  Wheeee!

"But the media man beg to differ,
judgin' by the hole in the satellite picture...
we could all use a little change."

"Hey now, you're an All Star,
get your game on,
go play. 
Hey now, you're a rock star,
get the show on,
get paid.
All that glitters is gold,
only shooting stars break the mold."

Brain Wars: Boys vs. Girls...the Sequel

Raising kids is not, never has been, easy.  I've got two, 5 and 8, a boy and girl, so I (sort of) know of which I speak.  Anyway, they are the latest targets in that never-ending battle most commonly known as "The War Between the Sexes." 

The war was accelerated yesterday by this article in The Washington Post, which basically says that reports claiming boys are in academic free-fall are greatly exaggerated. 

In a nutshell, a new study called "The Truth About Boys and Girls" conducted by the Education Sector think tank, says that boys' test scores are mostly up, more boys are going to college and more are getting bachelor's degrees.  It goes on to say that previous studies (remember "The Trouble With Boys" Newsweek cover story in January which launched a media frenzy on the subject?) claiming otherwise were based on bad research, sloppy analysis and sexist views that because girls test scores are going up, there must a problem with boys education.  "The real story is not bad news about boys doing worse," the report says, "it's good news about girls doing better."

This latest research has feminists saying "nah, nah, told ya so," and women's blogs like Salon's Broadsheet calling the whole "boys in crisis" issue a myth.  It also has a number of researchers who the study is critical of, hopping mad. 

Jay Mathews, the Education Columnist at the WaPost who broke the story yesterday, today wisely follows up by interviewing Michael Gurian and Kathy Stevens, whose Gurian Institute has pioneered methods to help boys learn. Gurian tells Mathews "I understand the need for an academic report to find villains, etc., but to denigrate us seems unnecessary. We have devoted immense resources and basically our very lives to helping solve the issues children face in this culture."

You can read through all these links, wade through the debate, and google your own links to figure out which side of this war between the sexes you are on.  I lean toward agreeing with columnist Bonnie Erbe at Scripps Howard News Service, who just begs for a truce.

Considering that I have both a boy and girl, I could literally land on both sides of this issue.  But that's missing the point.  The point is that boys and girls are different (duh!).  They always will be different.  And instead of arguing about it, the academic brain trust needs to work together to find ways to ensure that both sexes are schooled using methods and materials which will help both sexes thrive.

And face it, the war between the sexes is a war for which there will never, EVER, be an exit strategy.

Postscript filed at 7:49pm:  Watch ABC's World News Tonight piece about this issue, which ran this evening , by clicking on "No Boy Crisis in Schools."

                                              SMALLER THOUGHTS TO SNACK ON

Does boy wizard Harry Potter live or die?  You're still going to have to wait awhile to find out.  Author J.K. Rowling revealed yesterday on British TV that at least two charactors will die in her seventh and final book of the Harry Potter series.  Although she says she wrote the last book's last chapter way back in 1990, she says she's not through writing the final one yet...so no publishing date has been set.  My favorite headline on this subject comes from PR Inside, an international entertainment news website, which titled its article "Rowling Considers Pottercide."  Meantime, Warner Brothers announced plans to release the fifth Harry Potter movie, "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," next summer. 

Finally, didn't Nicole Kidman and new husband Keith Urban handle what could have been a paparazzi nightmare with great class?  They not only remained above the media fray, but managed to even have the fray literally drinking out of their hands!  Nic and Keith could walk away from their entertainment careers in an instant, and still make millions teaching other celebrities how to keep the press, and their own egos, in check.  Speculation is that the couple is honeymooning on the isolated Tahitian island of Bora Bora, not Fiji.  Having also honeymooned in Bora Bora so looooooong ago, my husband and I can personally atest that they chose the perfect place to start to their life together.  Another tip for the couple:  try the "swimming with sharks" tourist trip.  It's not as dangerous as it sounds, and like the press, you'll have those black-tipped reef sharks eating out of your hands in minutes!

"Can't you feel 'em circlin' honey, Can't you see 'em swimmin' around?
You got fins to the left, fins to the right and you're the only bait in town!"

Friday Leftovers, with a side of Dad

TGIF!  Mom's not cookin' from scratch today, so let's look in the 'fridge for what's leftover from the week, and see what we can whip up for a satisfying meal.  And because Sunday is Father's Day, the focus will be on dear old dad. 

Just like in the real world, disputes break out in the wired world too.  And there's an interesting one going on now between some stay-at-home dads and Washington Post On Balance blogger Leslie Morgan Steiner.  Her June 5th blog, The Daddy Difference, included her take on a new government study which found that dads with higher levels of education are more involved in their children's daily lives.  Steiner writes that although she found the study interesting, what she found "incredulous" was that this was the first ever government study on the issue of fathers and parenting.  Steiner says "No wonder the 2.3 million  single fathers and 147,000 stay-at-home dads in this country feel invisible."

But Steiner's observation didn't go over well with some stay-at-home dads, including Daddy Dialectic blogger Jeremy Adam Smith.  "She's (Steiner) shallow, blind to anything that falls outside her cultural and economic comfort zone, and obsessed with counterfeit conflicts like the so-called mommy wars," Smith rants.  He makes an excellent point, (read my take on the mommy wars issue here, which I coincidentally wrote for Mother's Day).  It's something that I, as a blogger who discusses similar issues, need to keep in mind.  I'm lucky however, that I live in an area where stay-at-home dads are more numerous and visible, and I certainly hope I will be more fair-minded and even handed when it comes to parenting issues and the equally important but different roles moms and dads play in each family. 

Just in time for Father's Day, NBC's Tim Russert has a new book out called "Wisdom of our Fathers," (read excerpts in USA Today).  It's a spin-off of his best-selling book about his own dad, called "Big Russ and Me," which told of how Russert's father worked two jobs all his life to make a better life for his kids by putting them through college.   Russert, now NBC's Washington Bureau Chief and a major media power broker in Washington, was the first member of his family to ever graduate from college.  The new book is a compilation of all the mail he received since publishing "Big Russ," from readers honoring their own dads.  Watch an interview of Russert on Jon Stewart's Daily Show about the book, by clicking on Russert.   Sounds like a great father's day gift. 

Speaking of Father's Day gifts, Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert got a great present from his new son, Stephen, Jr.  If you haven't been following this, Stephen, Jr. is a baby bald eagle born at the San Francisco Zoo...who was named by a smart-as-a-whip zoo intern.  The SFZoo has gotten great publicity from this "not approved by management" intern stunt.  Colbert mentions his "son" at least once a week.  Watch his Stephen, Jr. gift rift, and you'll see what I mean. 

Finally, I must mention that personally on Father's Day, I find myself thinking more about my own dad, that I do about my husband, the father of my children.  Maybe it's just a father-daughter thing.  My dad was a man well ahead of his time when it came to parenting two daughters (no sons).  He was very involved with us, and without pushing or even verbalizing it, he taught us there was nothing we, as women, couldn't do. 

We both grew up confident and lacked the self-esteem issues many women struggle with all their lives.  My sister succeeded early as a top class swimmer, and became one of the first women in my home state (Idaho) to receive an athletic scholarship.  Now, as a PE teacher and swim coach, she helps girls not as fortunate as herself reach similar goals.

And me, I launched into a male dominated business (TV News) and did alright for myself.  My dad has since passed on (WAY to early - cancer)...and I can only hope I will parent my kids with the same patience, humor and even-handedness that he did.  Sure, he wasn't perfect.  But he was my dad.  And among the many, many valuable things he taught me, was a love of music.  His favorite was jazz and the classic crooners.  It's no doubt why I have a large Sinatra collection assembled on my IPod.  I miss you dad.

Happy Father's Day.


"I've lived a life that's full,
travel-led each and every highway.
and more, more than this
I did it my way."

 

Gonna Serve Somebody...

You’ll excuse me for being brief, but my son’s end-of –year class picnic is today, and I’m ferrying the food and supplies from school to the park and back. It turns out, though, that not enough people volunteered to bring food, so I also need to chop up a few watermelons this morning, and bring the chips as well.

Coincidently this week, a new study came out regarding volunteerism in America. The first ever survey conducted by the Corporation for National and Community Service found that more than 64 million Americans volunteered their time last year. That’s nearly 3 in 10 (listen to NPR's story on the study, or read it here in the San Jose Mercury News).  Not surprisingly, women volunteer at a higher rate than men - 32.4 percent vs. 25 percent - likely because they have slightly more discretionary time on their hands. You’ll notice I didn’t use the term “free time”. There’s plenty we could be doing instead, believe me.

And as anyone with kids in public, parochial and even private school can tell you, moms with kids living at home volunteer at the highest rate of any group - nearly 40 percent - reflecting strong demands from schools, pre-schools and churches for their help.

Getting back to the women versus men statistic in the study, The Washington Post's On Balance blogger Leslie Morgan Steiner noticed at a school event recently, that while she sees a lot of dads volunteering their time to coach pee-wee sports teams and serve as PTA president, she rarely sees them giving their time at everyday school events. It’s interesting to read some of her statistics and reader comments about this.

However, as the state tourism ads say, “California: Things Look Different Here."  You can bet there will be a number of dads at today’s picnic. And although there’s no research to back me up, I figure it’s because more Bay area businesses embrace flex time and think out of the 9-to-5 box when it comes to their workers. 

Time to put on the fleece and get on the road.

"Might like to wear cotton, might like to wear silk,
Might like to drink whiskey, might like to drink milk,
You might like to eat caviar, you might like to eat bread,
You may be sleeping on the floor, sleeping in a king-sized bed
But you're gonna have to serve somebody..."   

Picnic postscript:  Just thought I'd report that 25 moms and 11 dads volunteered to do various things at the class picnic.  A great turn-out, regardless of sex.   And the fog even cleared!

Summer Screen Wars

I hate Cartoon Network. I’m of the belief that this cable channel, which airs such loathsome programs as “Ed, Ed and Eddy,” is an alien conspiracy created to drain our childrens’ brains in preparation for a take-over. And with its prime viewing season just days away, I’m preparing to do battle with Cartoon Network and its evil twin, Cartoonnetwork.com (and no, I won’t relent and put a link here).

The war begins in just 7 days, when summer vacation starts for my kids. And this year, I’m bound and determined to hold fast to strict summer screen rules:
1) No TV in the mornings
2) After chores, limited and negotiated morning computer time will be spent on learning software and NOT on internet games, and
3) Any nighttime screen time will be limited to 1 hour with a choice of either TV or computer.
4) These rules do not apply to weekends, which will be negotiated on a case-by-case basis

Fair? Too much? Too little?  Who knows.  I'm certainly no anti-TV nut, (read my view on TV viewing habits on "From Crib to Couch Potato"),  but I certainly don’t want to spend my summer fighting with some TV-addicted kids.  Interestingly, while I struggle keeping these limits intact, a new national survey out today by San Francisco-based Common Sense Media finds that parents have become more concerned about what their kids see online, versus what they’re watching on TV. 

James P. Steyer, CEO of Common Sense Media, says the survey found that “parents view the Internet as a learning tool, but are scared that they do not know how to make it safer for their kids.” I can certainly see his point as my son, who will turn 9 soon, is now becoming proficient at finding his way around the web. Although I have set the rule that he can only visit sites which are bookmarked, there’s always the possibility that he will roam around and find inappropriate sites “by accident.” He’s not into “chatting” with friends or virtual friends yet, but that day isn’t far off. Thank goodness for laptops and wifi…which allow him to be in the same room I am when he’s online. But that too will come to an end.

Sue Shellenbarger of the Wall Street Journal wrote a great piece recently about ways to track your kids’ online activity remotely – which is great for working parents. And here are some ideas from Common Sense Media columnist Liz Perle on how to manage your kids’ summer media. You probably have some tips to share too…so please post your screen issues and suggestions.

                                     Smaller Thoughts to Chew On

Here in California, election results are (mostly) in, and democrats here have chosen Phil Angelides to be their sacrificial lamb in November’s gubernatorial race against Arnold.  Both state measures, for libraries and universal preschool, were defeated. And down in the San Diego area in a race watched nationally, Brian Bilbray squeaked by his democratic opponent to win the congressional seat vacated by disgraced fellow republican Duke Cunningham. Political pundits like those at The Washington Post saw this race as a bellweather to this coming fall’s mid-term elections. The more telling and disheartening result however, was the incredibly low voter turnout, expected to come in at or below 34-percent. Can’t complain if you don’t participate…won’t change if you don’t participate.

(FYI:  I watched election results come in on FOX, during two hours of back-to-back episodes of "House."  I was in hog heaven!)

The U.S. Senate today, as expected, rejected a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage …after spending two days dealing with the issue. The House plans to take on gay marriage next month, with the same expected result. As CNN's Lou Dobbs so aptly pointed out this week, “we're fighting a war against radical Islamist terrorists…we're drowning in debt from our growing record trade and budget deficits…we're watching our public education system fail a generation of students, (we lack an) effective solution to our illegal immigration crisis…and our nation's borders and ports are still woefully insecure.” So what is Congress doing to solve these issues, which poll after poll says Americans are most concerned about? You got it – debating a politicized “wedge” issue which Americans want left to the states. It makes me tired thinking about the wasted time…

Finally, keyboardist Billy Preston died yesterday. See why he was called “the fifth Beatle” by going to YouTube and watching him play on the roof of Apple Studios with the boys. This is why I love YouTube!

"Will it go round in circles..."