The Discipline Debate

To spank or not to spank?  There probably isn't a parent around who hasn't asked him or herself that question when faced with the thorny issue of child disciplinary tactics.  But if a California lawmaker gets her way, spanking will be taken out of the parental disciplinary arsenal altogether, because it will be illegal. 

Democratic Assemblywoman Sally Leiber of Mountain View (in Silicon Valley) is drafting a bill to be introduced later this week, that would make it a crime to spank a child age three or younger.  Violators would face a maximum $1,000 fine and up to a year in jail.  You can read more about Leiber's proposal from ABC7 News in San Francisco.

Leiber tells NPR that her bill includes "swatting, smacking, slapping, spanking" or anything meant to cause physical pain.  "I think we ought to have a law against beating children," Assemblywoman Leiber told The SFChronicle last week.  No argument there.  But as The Chronicle's Debra J. Saunders aptly noted in a Sunday Op-Ed piece, California DOES have laws against beating, abusing and torturing children. The real question that needs to be addressed then, is whether spanking should be considered tantamount to beating.

I'm not proud of it, but I've swatted my son on the backside twice in his 9 years - never repeatedly, never hard enough to harm him and never when he was younger than 6.  The guilt I felt immediately afterward hurt me to the core - turning the intended punishment into a lesson more for me than for my misbehaving son.  In short, I cried about it way more than he did.

So does that count as spanking, and could I be arrested for it?

"We all want to believe that all parents are giving a light swat or a tap...once in a blue moon," Leiber told NPR.  The people Leiber is really after, she says, are the chronic child abusers, the "perpetual users of physical discipline" who too often leave their children black and blue and go unpunished.  I'm all for that.  But IF my son had been younger than 4 when I bopped him on the butt, could I have been cuffed in front of my stunned children and hauled away to jail for my unplanned and misguided disciplinary indiscretion?

"There isn't really a way to delineate, so ANY hitting of a child, any physical punishment intended to cause pain would be banned under our bill," Leiber told NPR.  "If responsible  parents have to give up a privledge to use physical punishment on infants and toddlers to stop those who are using it perpetually, then we think our bill is worthwhile," says Leiber.

"Parents are not stupid," The Chronicle's Saunders wrote on Sunday.  "They know the difference between beating and spanking, and they do not need (Leiber) to draw the line for them."  And while I don't usually agree with Saunders Op-Eds, on this one we are of one mind.  I don't need a law, or a lawmaker, to tell me that I had made a bad punishment choice - or that such swats are an extremely unproductive form of discipline. 

However, what Leiber's proposed bill has done, is reopened a messy debate regarding child discipline and the huge gray area between a harmless swat and an intentionally harmful hit. 

Gregory Keer, a syndicated columnist and family life expert, writes on his FamilyManOnline blog that he sees Leiber's bill as an opportunity to educate parents on the dangers of physical discipline.  "Some parents really feel they can use it effectively, yet too many spank or hit in fits of rage to control their children," Keer writes.  He also believes that such a law "might define the parameters more and might even help put a focus on another big issue — anger management."

Which bring us back to spank, or not to spank?  As it stands now, it's a decision to be made by the parent.  And interestingly, Assemblywoman Leiber has never been faced with that decision, because as her website states - "she lives with her husband David... and they take seriously their role as pet guardians for a politically astute black-and-white cat."

 Sneaking out the back door
To hang out with those hoodlum friends of mine
Greeted at the back door
With "boy thought I told you not to go outside,"
Tryin your best to bring the
Water to your eyes
Thinkin' it might stop her
From woopin your behind

I wish I wish those days could come back once more
Why did those days ev-er have to go
Cause I love them so..........

Where do you stand on spanking?  Should a non-parent be legislating how a parent can discipline their child, or does it matter?  Weigh in by clicking below on "Comments" and let us know what you're thinking.

Comments

[Melissa]

I was spanked two times as a little girl, and remember the reasons for them both - stealing and lying. It has not forever scarred me, and I do not believe that my parents were trying to hurt me - they were telling me that there are serious consequences to my actions. I've known of a woman who was jailed because she spanked her child - I do not know the extenuating circumstances of the home life - but what I do know is that both parents were extremely involved in the childs life and loved that child dearly. That being said, abuse happens in many forms and it is difficult to know the motivation for spanking in all circumstances. Perhaps Sally Lieber should also look into arresting parents for verbal abuse then as well - because I can tell you that I see that quite often in public - and no one steps up then to discipline the parents.

[Tami]

I think this is nuts..Spanking don't hurt no one.. Now if you are excess spanking then yeah..But to me anyone that has no kids or a clue of anything shouldn't even try to make a ban on anything. The bible even talks about it. I was spanked some when I was younger and to me that makes a better person then letting the kid get away with everything. This representative sounds like a spoiled brat.. I've seen kids who have never been spanked and they are way out of control and act like the representative. I pray that this will not go through. There is a difference between spanking and abusing. Its wrong for a person that has no kids at all to try and make a ban on this..They have NO clue what goes on...
Thank you.

[robro]

This is a clear example of how you throw out the baby with the bath water. There is nothing wrong with spanking. I've seen kids never spanked that grew up as adults and were the biggest spoiled jerks. The problem is not spanking, but abuse, which is a perversion of spanking in love and discipline.

Should we ban the internet since it can be abused?

Should we ban cars since people can be found drunk driving in it?

Should we ban sports since some of them take steroids?

Please, forget the bill. It seems to me Lieber just wants her name out there, or, she's never had any kids to deal with.

Love requires discipline.

[Denise]

I'm a mother of 4 kids and I think it's rediculous for a non-parent, to make such a suggestion. I think that there are a lot more things to worry about, like all the sex offenders that the courts keep letting back out on the streets to reoffend.
How come Ms. Leiber isn't working on that? Remember Shasta Groene and Jessica Lunsford and many many others who needed protection but didn't get it?

[Amanda Bariteau]

I believe there is a CLEAR difference between spanking out of anger and spanking for discipline purposes. It is even visible in that all you have to do is look at the parents face to see if they are angry and their reaction time is also key. I believe it is completely appropriate to send your child to their room while they think about what they have done and you decide whether or not they should be spanked while you cool down as well. Spanking out of anger is child abuse.

[debbieo]

I can not believe that this can be made law. We were raised with the knowledge that we would be spanked on occaision. This knowledge let us know that there are consequences for our actions.

I really think that that is what is wrong with some of the children today. Thay do not know where their limits are.

I do NOT mean beating or even excessive spanking. But a even a light swat on the butt when they are young (On top of their diaper)gets them to pay attention to what is going on.

This done early, virtually eliminates the need to spank later.

[maureen moskovic]

This bill is ridiculous and and an example of how government is wasting their time and our tax dollars on issues the public doesn't believe are a big problem. Lieber should be working on child care for working parents if she wants to help families--or health/nutrition and excercise education for parents. Then she might be able to do us some good. I can't believe she is wasting her time on spanking. It could never be enforced. She is completely out of touch and should resign from the assembly for proposing something so ridiculous.